I wanna be someone but haven’t got the discipline
Dreams. We all have them. Sometimes they help us, and sometimes they haunt us.
The Desire
I’m not talking about the kind you have when you’re asleep, I’m talking about the recurring thoughts you have around what you want to do with your life. These dreams come from deep within you. To some, they’re a calling, a purpose, a vision of what you could be. To others, they remain just dreams, with the potential to haunt.
What they become is determined by what you do about them. It’s the action you take that ultimately matters.
Some people dedicate their lives to the pursuit of these dreams and never look back, whilst others continue to revisit them but never actually get around to making them a reality. Stuff gets in the way.
I know that feeling. I know how easy it is to dream big but act little, I’ve been doing it for a long time. Stuff always gets in the way.
It’s never the right time. I’m always busy. I’m not sure I’ve thought it through enough yet. I need to learn to do some things better first.
As frustrating as it can be, there’s a certain safety in the stuff that gets in my way too. A comfort even, in thinking I could go after my dreams if I really wanted to, but never actually finding out. The only difference between me and the guys that do is that they’re more disciplined. That’s what I tell myself and it feels good, for a while at least.
The Denial
See I want to be someone, but I haven’t got the discipline. I have a focus problem you see. That’s why the comfort feeling from what I tell myself only lasts for a while. I know that I could actually do something about it.
It’s not a new problem. I’ve always been a dreamer. Always thinking about what might be, what great things I could do with my life. A life full of purpose, that has always been my dream.
I’ve spent a lot of time trying to work out what that purpose is. I’ve done all the exercises about understanding my strengths and values, and they’ve helped. I’m more self-aware now, and I understand the skills that I have and how I could make a difference by applying them. But of course, I’m missing some skills too, and the most obvious one is the lack of discipline that I have. That’s why my focus drifts when I start taking some action towards achieving my dreams.
All the self-help books and articles I’ve read confirm it. Discipline is key.
If you’re disciplined, you stick with the good habits you’ve created that move you towards your goals. I’ve read enough to know that habits are super important. But, it takes discipline to stick with these good habits. You see, these superhumans I’ve read of, they always. They always do this, and that, and the next thing, before they’ve even had their breakfast. ALWAYS.
I don’t always do anything.
I mean I mostly do things. I have habits and routines, but I don’t always do them. Sometimes I forget, and sometimes I just don’t feel like it. Maybe I haven’t worked hard enough yet at making these habits proper habits, you know ones that stick, that become, eh habits. I must not have the discipline.
Discipline is hard work.
The Doubt
But then people say I’m very disciplined. That I’m one of the most organised and structured people they know. I’m the guy they give things to when it needs to get done, because I have, you know, discipline. Hmm.
I’m not sure I agree with their assessment, but maybe that’s just a reflection on how bad most of us are at being disciplined. That must be why it’s so difficult, and only a few of us can commit to the life we want and then go after it.
But you see, the work that I have done on becoming more disciplined has taught me a thing or two about it. Firstly there are degrees of discipline.
Most people be can disciplined in what they’re doing when they’re motivated to do it, but it takes real grit and determination to stick with it when you’re not. That’s a special kind of discipline that’s worth pursuing. And it’s not a superhuman kind, it’s within reach for most of us if we work hard at it, and force ourselves to act, even when we don’t want to.
Secondly, and this is the most important thing that I have personally learned, and it’s to do with comparison. Do you see all these successful people who always do things? You know the ones you measure yourself against and who crush your confidence because you don’t think you’re capable of doing what they always do. They don’t actually always do them. They don’t feel like doing them at times too. Nobody always does anything all of the time, so stop giving yourself a hard time over it.
The difference is consistency. They just do them more often than most people.
I have worked hard at that kind of discipline. Not so hard that I’ve got all the answers, but hard enough that I know real results are possible when you consistently do the things you’re meant to.
Yet I also know that I hold back and that I don’t get all the results that I want. I drift and don’t fully commit. The dreams that I have remain as dreams, with the potential to haunt me.
So why is that?
The Dawning
You see I want to be someone. But I didn’t think I had the discipline. So I started learning how to become more disciplined, and you know what, it worked. But I was still drifting, so I kept searching, kept looking for better ways of doing things.
And then I realised, all these self-help books I’ve read, all these great tips and tricks I’ve learned that have made me so much better. They have a ceiling. At some point, you’re armed with enough information to go after the life that you want. Sure there will be marginal gains to reading more of them, but you have enough already.
So why do you keep reading them? I keep reading them because I’m searching for an excuse. And I thought I found it in a lack of discipline.
But that’s not it.
The real reason why I choose to dream big and act little is that I’m afraid.
And it is a choice, I’ve learned that much too. Nobody is holding me back. Sure others will become more successful with less effort, but that’s life. That’s not an excuse. Well, not a credible one that anybody cares about anyway.
It is fear that prevents me from fully committing to my dreams. That’s why I live in real danger of these dreams haunting me. Not because I lack the discipline, but because I lack the conviction to pursue them. The dreams will become regrets. The regrets the nightmares.
Not having the discipline is the lie that I tell myself to prevent me from having to face my fears. The fear that I might not be good enough. It’s why I choose to dream big and act little. I’m afraid that I’ll fall short, so instead, I tell myself that I could make it if I really wanted to, and never find out.
But learning to become less afraid is a lot like learning to become more disciplined. It takes hard work, and consistency is key. You won’t always win the battle, but if you keep going, you’ll win more often than you lose. And that’s what life’s about — not giving up, and small steps of progress. One step at a time. But you must take the first step, and that means being honest with yourself.
You might tell yourself a different lie to me, but if you’re dreaming and not making progress towards those dreams, you’ll be lying to yourself about something.
What is it that keeps you within your comfort zone?
The chances are, you are just as capable as most of the people you read about, and if you work hard, you’ll learn to become just as disciplined. But until you learn to confront your fears and move out of your comfort zone, you’ll continue to hold back and not fully commit.
The Decision
I have spent long enough telling myself lies. I want to find out now where my dreams can take me because I fear that a life lived within the comfort zone isn’t really a life lived. Sure you can still have a good life, but who wants a good life when a great life is only an honest conversation with yourself away?
Maybe realising that you do have the potential will give you the courage you need. Maybe you will realise you are ready.
What are you afraid of anyway? I’m also learning that most people don’t care whether you are successful or not. They have got way too much going on in their own lives to care whether you put yourself out on a limb or not.
Maybe you already don’t care what other people think. If that’s the case, good for you. Now just be honest with yourself and have the courage to confront your fears.
Maybe you will fail. Maybe you won’t. I don’t know. All I do know is that life is short, and I desperately don’t want to waste it settling for not knowing. It’s worth risking failure to find out.
[1] I wanna be someone but haven’t got the discipline. The 17th by The Courteeners
